so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
