Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
