I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
