Someone shit on the floor
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
