i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
