dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
