Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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