sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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