Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
