I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
