maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
