A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
