Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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