Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
