He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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