i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
