so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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