I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
