We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
