so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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