im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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