You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
