hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
