can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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