Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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