u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
