but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
