Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
