is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
