All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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