That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
