Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
