Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
