Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
