I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
