Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
