i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
