do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
as a side note pls kill me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
