this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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