so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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