i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
