Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
