she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love having hate sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
