I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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