You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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