Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
