We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
