Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We need to rekindle our bromance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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