So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
