i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
