In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
In America we eat man semen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
