it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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