I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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