..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
