we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
