im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
