i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
