things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
