small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
